Trusting God

Of late, I have been struggling in my mind about my finances. I have always been a prudent person, thanks to my mom who has instill in me even since I was given pocket money for breaks in school. As such, I ALWAYS had money in my accounts. I had managed to save thousands on the day I graduated high school.
However, of the past few months, I had been spending and also been investing my money in the equity market. As you might know, the market has not really been bullish lately. Nonetheless, I'd like to view my investment as a long term plan. But the money is no longer liquid. In addition to that, I was caught in a credit card fraudulent transaction when I lost my card and some unscrupulous person used it for over a thousand bucks. AND I HAD TO PAY FOR IT! According to the bank's fine prints, that is.
Okay, that's to give you a background of what's been happening in my financial life. I have trained myself over the past 2 years to learn to live and let live. Worrying is not for me, I decided. Leave it to God, I decided. This time, it did NOT come so naturally. Yes, I trust God, but still I worry at the back of my mind. I keep wondering where the money is going to come from come next year when I make a trip to Australia with my girlfriend. At the back of my mind, I was calculating where the money is going to come from if I were to marry my girlfriend.

Another more pressing and important matter is that...well, I've been backsliding of the past few months. Church has not been very encouraging, and I have not been very consistent in my attendance. Praying becomes more of a routine rather than a conversation. In a few words, God seems far away.
But I struggle. I struggle to keep God in my life. I am not about to give up, although I really feels like it. I ask God to hold me close, yet I wasn't ready to give Him much of my time. I ask God to keep me from evil, yet I wasn't ready to give my life up to Him. I told God I knew He still loves me, yet I wasn't ready to love Him back in return. I keep struggling back and forth with my weaknesses and sins. Day after day I keep struggling. And I'm really tired.

Minutes ago however, I remembered to read Our Daily Bread, a daily devotion material from RBC Ministries. Guess what? The Bible verse for the day is "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. —Matthew 6:34". It also talks about God providing for the wandering Israelites after they came up out of Egypt. God provided manna for them, but only enough for the day. Instructions were for them to collect ONLY as much as they needed for the day. No more, no less. Similarly, it reminded me to take my finances and my struggles with my sins and weaknesses once day at a time. God will provide sufficient "manna" for me day by day.

Lord, I ask that you will renew my strength, as you will renew those who will be reading this blog. As I wait on you, I claim the fulfillment of your Word that "they who wait on the Lord shal renew their strength, they shall rise with wings like eagle, they shall run and not be weary, walk and not faint". Thank you Lord for constantly providing and loving me. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

Dave D Saved...Once again

Returning to the Father

The past few weeks, if not months has been tough for me. It did not come in a flash, nor did difficulty come in large portions. However, over a period of 2 to 3 weeks, I was left dried as a raisin. I felt a barrier between me and my father in heaven. I hardly talked to Him, except the occasional prayer of thanksgiving and blessing for the food, which was engraved in my habits since young.

I knew in my heart that God is still there, watching over me. I am still thankful for his graces and care. However, I just didn't have the mental strength nor spirit to draw myself close to His open arms.

At that time, it did not occur to me to think through the situation, much less work out any problem. I just felt like just doing the things I wanted to do. What did I want to do, you ask?? Hhmm...let's see...I watched a whole lot of crappy movies, DVDs, facebooked religiously, slept randomly, and spoke nonsensically.
One of the first sign of trouble was FEAR. I began to realize that I feared for my future. I felt insecure about my career, and the future is bleak dark. I fear for my sweetheart's career in research too. Options became confusion very quickly when we had to figure out whether she should attempt to pursue her doctorate degree off Malaysian shores or locally, and whether I should follow suite to pursue my master's degree. Of course, the deeper we dwell into it, the more option surfaced and the more confused I got. With statistical probability coming into play about my chances of getting a full scholarship with an option to work to continue paying off for my commitments here in Malaysia and the family and friends we leave behind, my mind was really "boggled".
Well, you get the idea.
Besides career, I was also discouraged with the ministry I was involved in church. The young adults ministry started a few months back, but of late, even with renewed effort we were not able to sustain the group. Without constant reminders, attendance dropped to zero, even those charged with specific tasks. I was quickly reduced to nothing.
The community of the church I was attending wasn't very encouraging either. I realized that I don't really have "tight" friends within the community. Don't get me wrong, the church I attend are filled with very friendly people, not to mention workers who strive endlessly to serve God in the church. Perhaps it's just the age barrier, or perhaps sometimes, it's just ain't the right match of keys and lock.
However, today, I can claim that my God is a God of His words.
He DID NOT leave me NOR forsake me.
He DID NOT test me beyond what I can bear.
I went to church last Sunday. I know I wanted to hear from God, even though physically I was tired and sleepy(due to lack to early rest on Saturday nite). And so, God gave me the courage to come back to Him. Little by little, I told Him how much I NEEDED Him in my life. I came to realize that all the things that I worried about over the past 3 weeks, were exactly the same and were already there 6 weeks back.

The only difference was, 6 weeks back, I had God in my life. I had His peace. Nothing seems to ever bother me. Future? Career? Ahh..what the heck...God has my BEST INTEREST in His heart. The God who feed the birds in the skies, clothes the flowers in the field which withers overnight, found me my lovely Honda City Evie, will surely take care of my needs, better than I could ever dream of hoped for.
But when I was kept away from my dad in heaven, I guess it separated my life from God, and consequently my faith. Thus the saying "Knowing is NOT believing", but "Believing IS knowing".
I want to testify here that My God Lives.

So to you, my friend reading this, take heart for it is no coincident that you read my blog, especially reading all the way to this very sentence(as I am long winded, I know), that God has allowed for circumstances, and a willing heart(yours) to read this and know as I know, that He is God.
If you want to find out about what I know about this God, please send me a message. I will get back to you ASAP.

God Bless....