Returning to the Father

The past few weeks, if not months has been tough for me. It did not come in a flash, nor did difficulty come in large portions. However, over a period of 2 to 3 weeks, I was left dried as a raisin. I felt a barrier between me and my father in heaven. I hardly talked to Him, except the occasional prayer of thanksgiving and blessing for the food, which was engraved in my habits since young.

I knew in my heart that God is still there, watching over me. I am still thankful for his graces and care. However, I just didn't have the mental strength nor spirit to draw myself close to His open arms.

At that time, it did not occur to me to think through the situation, much less work out any problem. I just felt like just doing the things I wanted to do. What did I want to do, you ask?? Hhmm...let's see...I watched a whole lot of crappy movies, DVDs, facebooked religiously, slept randomly, and spoke nonsensically.
One of the first sign of trouble was FEAR. I began to realize that I feared for my future. I felt insecure about my career, and the future is bleak dark. I fear for my sweetheart's career in research too. Options became confusion very quickly when we had to figure out whether she should attempt to pursue her doctorate degree off Malaysian shores or locally, and whether I should follow suite to pursue my master's degree. Of course, the deeper we dwell into it, the more option surfaced and the more confused I got. With statistical probability coming into play about my chances of getting a full scholarship with an option to work to continue paying off for my commitments here in Malaysia and the family and friends we leave behind, my mind was really "boggled".
Well, you get the idea.
Besides career, I was also discouraged with the ministry I was involved in church. The young adults ministry started a few months back, but of late, even with renewed effort we were not able to sustain the group. Without constant reminders, attendance dropped to zero, even those charged with specific tasks. I was quickly reduced to nothing.
The community of the church I was attending wasn't very encouraging either. I realized that I don't really have "tight" friends within the community. Don't get me wrong, the church I attend are filled with very friendly people, not to mention workers who strive endlessly to serve God in the church. Perhaps it's just the age barrier, or perhaps sometimes, it's just ain't the right match of keys and lock.
However, today, I can claim that my God is a God of His words.
He DID NOT leave me NOR forsake me.
He DID NOT test me beyond what I can bear.
I went to church last Sunday. I know I wanted to hear from God, even though physically I was tired and sleepy(due to lack to early rest on Saturday nite). And so, God gave me the courage to come back to Him. Little by little, I told Him how much I NEEDED Him in my life. I came to realize that all the things that I worried about over the past 3 weeks, were exactly the same and were already there 6 weeks back.

The only difference was, 6 weeks back, I had God in my life. I had His peace. Nothing seems to ever bother me. Future? Career? Ahh..what the heck...God has my BEST INTEREST in His heart. The God who feed the birds in the skies, clothes the flowers in the field which withers overnight, found me my lovely Honda City Evie, will surely take care of my needs, better than I could ever dream of hoped for.
But when I was kept away from my dad in heaven, I guess it separated my life from God, and consequently my faith. Thus the saying "Knowing is NOT believing", but "Believing IS knowing".
I want to testify here that My God Lives.

So to you, my friend reading this, take heart for it is no coincident that you read my blog, especially reading all the way to this very sentence(as I am long winded, I know), that God has allowed for circumstances, and a willing heart(yours) to read this and know as I know, that He is God.
If you want to find out about what I know about this God, please send me a message. I will get back to you ASAP.

God Bless....